Dying To Love - Lucy Sacred Earthheart
Approaching Earthsongwave Dawn Chorus 2020; Inspired by and in collaboration with Earthsongwave Dawn Chorus. Join the Global Song April 1, 2020
Here in Victoria, Australia as we approach the third Earthsongwave Dawn Chorus, I recognise that the last two times I have followed the invitation to sing, drum, pray it has coincided with a dying. The first time, my mother in law had just drawn her last breath, after a long life tussling with the experience of being an Englishwoman transplanted to a country she found unwelcoming and uncomfortable. Last year, as I sat quietly by the river, I held in my heart the spirit of a dear soul sister as she prepared to leave the earthly plane.
One more sweep around the Sun….What is dying within me this time round, I wonder.
Last year I recorded a poem-song, a gesture towards claiming the name I received during a Quest amidst the sandstone canyon walls of Wollemi National Park….Sacred Earthheart is my name, I sang, the words shy and awkward in my mouth.
The Quest was an ecstatic time after which I found myself plunged into the wound, wrestling with grief and guilt, anger and unworthiness. Surrendering the best I could, writing my way through, I explored the facets of my aching heart, my own personal tragedy.
In my depths, there dwells a creature-monster who has been with me since childhood, inspiring terror, providing comfort in equal measure. In a ritual to enter the Underworld and meet this character, I was surprised and gratified by a truth floating up from the darkness: I wanted to protect my mother. Despite my rage and disappointment with my real life mother’s not-so-great mothering, deep down I felt that she, like all females, all vulnerable people, animals, our precious Earth itself, was under threat and in need of loving protection.
The name of the monster: Lucy. Beginning the process of embracing this earth goddess-hag, led me to the next iteration: Lucy Sacred Earthheart is my name…
Wendy, in introducing this year’s Dawn Chorus, asks: What if this Earth and Earth Community is held by song; perhaps song of love, song of Eros, a different kind of gravity that holds us all where we can only fall in and down to some mysterious deeper place?
I want to sing the song of Lucy Sacred Earthheart - a wild hot lonely scared tender magical song. And yet my fear says: Don’t do it. You cannot afford to feel so much. What would this mean for your carefully constructed, as safe as possible, half existence.
A tree reminds me of the shimmering vibrating interconnectedness of all. Placing my hand on its trunk, I am drawn in and down by the thrumming, booming, whispering, shouting pulse of the tree, the wind, sky, of earth itself...Can you feel my heartbeat, baby?
It is a fearful thing to join one’s heartbeat with that of the Mother, the implications are great, the questions profoundly challenging...Can I love the Earth as much as I love my own life? Given my flawed efforts at loving myself and other humans, can I navigate my fears, anxieties and defences to establish a relationship of trust and mutual support with the Earth? Can I live the truth of interdependence as my best prayer and offering and my best chance of a rich and meaningful life?
Lucy has spent decades dwelling in the dark, afraid to show her face, waiting for me to die sufficiently to be able to resonate with and to integrate her power. Heart in mouth, I gather about myself the cloak of tears and joy, all my attempts and failures at being a more loving and wise human being.
Earth is calling. Lucy is calling. Inviting us into the muck and the grime. From a hidden mysterious place where molten rock shifts and seethes, where underground rivers wend their secret ways, where crystals and gems twinkle and shine in the murk. The Earth is calling her children, pleading with them to wake up, to love with abandon, to take up the cosmic earth beat and to turn our remarkable intelligence to Earth-honouring ways. Earth heart is beating with a wild and crazy longing for all her creatures, reminding us of our good animal instincts, our indigenous be-longing, our multi faceted hearts.
I’m coming Lucy...Opening the latch, stepping into the abyss, I am joining myself with the dark Earth goddess, the One who asks us to Feel Ev-er-y-thing, to relinquish shame, to fight for the natural world and to be prepared to die and die again.
Thank you for hearing my song. Blessings on the 2020 Earthsongwave Dawn Chorus. May we all sing with heart, knowing that our songs are heard and echoed by the Earth - together singing our world back to rude health and dynamic balance.
25 February 2020
Lucy Sacred Earthheart, otherwise known as Carin Eisen, is a producer (along with the other folk of Soulcraft Australia & New Zealand) of Animas Valley Institute (USA) programs in Australia - www.soulcraftaustralia.com.au
Thank you Carin/Lucy for your offering for Earthsongwave Dawn Chorus 2020. Carin/Lucy is also a contact for Earthsongwave Dawn Chorus in Southern Australia. To join her on Wednesday morning, 1 April, you can find her on the contact page at www.earthsongwave.com
Image: Heart flow. Yarra River, Warrandyte, Carin Eisen